DevYou

A character in Chuck Palahniuk’s novel Rant cooks dangerous objects — things that can break your teeth, stab the inside of your mouth, or cause you to choke to death — into her family’s meals. Why would a caring mother do such a terrible thing?

She does it to force her family to eat slowly. To be utterly focused on the current moment. As they carefully chew each bite, all their attention is in their mouths. They don’t rush through their meals, thinking of what next thing they want to do, living in the future. They don’t read, or watch tv, or do anything at the table other than experience the food in their mouths.

Of course, putting dangerous objects in food is a horrible thing to do, and you mustn’t do it, but this fictional, extreme behavior draws attention to an intriguing question. Namely: how present are we? When we eat, are we really eating? When we walk are we really walking? When we listen to music, are we really listening? Listening with our full attention, aware of every step, chewing as if a thumbtack were hidden somewhere in our meal?

I know I strive to be present, and I know the benefits I will reap, and yet I also know how far I commonly stray from clear awareness. I know I let my attention wander to the future. The next thing. And worse: multiple next things. Whole strings of them, stretching out into the future, further and further away from this, here, now.

I may not crack a tooth on a booby trap in my apple pie, but I miss the sound of the wind in the leaves above me, the flash of affection in my companion’s eye, and the awareness–the centeredness–that dissolves the worry that plagues and torments my future-dwelling self.

What’s to be done? It’s fairly simple. Come back. Be here now. Meditation helps. Being creative helps. Doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy exercises helps. And even GTD helps. How? Because you don’t need to store and hold the various things you must do in your mind if you know that they’re already captured in a trusted system. There is indeed a next action, but for now–chew that bite of food with all your attention, just as if Rant’s nutty mother made it.

“The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.”

— Charles Du Bois

Many years ago, a friend of mine told me that she subscribes to a daily email called the Positive Quote of the Day. She said that some of her friends gently mocked her for subscribing to such a list, but she said that she found it helpful so she didn’t cave in to their social pressure. Intrigued, I subscribed myself to the list. Every day I receive a quotation by a famous person that reinforces positive thinking. The quote by Charles Du Bois above is an example.

I find the Du Bois quote particularly interesting and thought-provoking. I believe it’s possible to change one’s thoughts and behaviors and to thereby change one’s self for the better. That’s pretty obvious, I think, considering the name of this blog!

But there’s an interesting flip-side to changing oneself for the better — and Du Bois’ quote highlights it eloquently. Namely, to become a better person, we must sacrifice what we are now. We must at any moment be ready to make that sacrifice. This can be terribly difficult. We’ve been the self we are now for a long time. What a radical, frightening notion is sacrificing the familiar self of the present. Even if we know that we must do so to become a better person. Even if we know we’re suffering more as we are than we would as we might be.

I think this is a hidden second hurdle for people who are trying to develop into a better person. The first is believing change is possible. And the second is our tendency to cling to what we are today. Our reluctance. Our fear. When the opportunity to change is at hand, we must be each be ready and able to sacrifice what we are.

[Caveat: I’m not a trained therapist, and the discussions in this blog are not intended as therapy. If you are suffering from depression or other psychological problems, please seek professional help. If you don’t know where to begin, talk to your primary health care provider.]

Many years ago, I was on a casual date with an attractive woman. We were at a nightclub having fun, when I caught a glimpse of us in a mirror. To my eyes, we looked ridiculous. Or rather, she looked lovely, but I looked ugly, and the vision of this attractive woman with an ugly man such as myself filled me with revulsion and self-loathing. The thoughts that sprung into my mind were: “I’m ugly. An attractive woman like her would never want to be with an ugly man like me.” These thoughts spoiled my mood and drained enjoyment from my evening — leaving me feeling depressed and hopeless.

Can you name the cognitive distortions?

“I’m ugly” is labeling. “An attractive woman like her would never want to be with an ugly man like me” is both types of jumping to conclusions: mind reader and fortune teller.

Using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy concepts, let’s deconstruct these thoughts. Remember, all of our emotions begin with our thoughts. Deconstructing our distorted thoughts is the key to improving mood and preventing distortion-based depression in the future.

If I had known about Cognitive Behavioral techniques on that evening, I would have done the following Triple Column Technique on a blank piece of paper as my worksheet:

• Column One: I’d have written the two thoughts in the first column. “I’m ugly. An attractive woman like her would never want to be with an ugly man like me.” At the bottom of that column I’d write the emotions these thoughts created and how intensely I felt them on a scale of 1-10. For example: “Depressed 8, Hopeless 9.”
• Column Two: I’d have written the distortions: labeling, jumping to conclusions (mind reader, fortune teller).
• Column Three: I’d have written the rational replacements for each thought. “I’m ugly” would have become, for instance, “Like everyone else, I’m attractive to some people and unattractive to other people.” “An attractive woman like her would never want to be with an ugly man like me” would have become something like “She may or may not be attracted to me but I don’t decide whether she is attracted to me or not; that is her decision to make and I’m not privy to her thoughts” and “It’s absurd to say attractive women will never be attracted to me. All of them? Always? No, that’s a distortion. Moving into the future, some women will find me attractive and others will not.”

There’s a third distortion here, of course, and that is: disqualifying the positive. If this woman had truly found me as horribly repulsive as I thought I was, then it’s unlikely we would have been out on the town to begin with!

I hope this article will help you in your own Cognitive Behavioral practice.

We’ve talked a bit about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and we’ve talked about the Triple Column Technique — a written exercise that helps you identify and deconstruct cognitive distortions. Today, I’d like to talk about how often to do the Triple Column Technique.

I’d imagine that some readers may believe that doing the Triple Column Technique once or twice is good enough. Though doing it once or twice may indeed help you begin to identify and deconstruct some of your cognitive distortions, it may not be enough. Cognitive distortions, like all habits of mind, are often deeply embedded in our habitual, automatic thoughts. For years they go undetected and arise again and again, causing suffering and sadness. Could such a long habit of mind be broken easily with a quick fix? No. Unfortunately, no.

So, practicing the Triple Column Technique regularly is important. Sound like alot of work? No, it’s actually not. It only takes a few minutes to do it each time, and the improvement in the quality of your life will far outweigh the effort you expend on the practice.

How does one make the Triple Column Technique a regular part of life? One easy way is to make it part of your morning routine.

What to do:

• At some point in your morning routine — say, for instance, just after eating breakfast or perhaps just before jumping into the shower — do the Triple Column Technique.
• Make it a habit. You wouldn’t leave the house without brushing your teeth, right? Make the Triple Column Technique a similar habit.
• Keep your Triple Column Technique worksheets. New insights can be gained by leafing through your old worksheets. You may find, for instance, that you’re particularly susceptible to specific cognitive distortions, and you can raise your own, inner awareness about them, which can be very useful in preventing them.

It may be easier to pick a different, regular time of day to practice. If that’s true for you, feel free to pick what is best. However, morning’s an especially great time to practice since doing so helps you get your day started on a more rational, calmer footing.

Now that you are familiar with all 10 cognitive distortions and maybe even using the Triple Column technique I discussed earlier, wouldn’t it be convenient to be able to remember all 10, right off the top of your head? As it turns out, it’s quite easy!

When learning to read music, people use this simple sentence to remember the notes in the treble clef (which are E, G, B, D, and F): Every Good Boy Does Fine. We can use a similar mnemonic for the 10 distortions:

All Optimists Meander Down Jagged Mountains Expecting Splendid Little Prizes

Each word of that sentence begins with the same letter as one of the 10 distortions:

• A - All or Nothing Thinking
• O - Over-generalizing
• M - Mental Filter
• D - Disqualifying the Positive
• J - Jumping to Conclusions (Fortune Teller, Mind Reader)
• M - Magnification (Catastrophizing)
• E - Emotional Reasoning
• S - Should Statements
• L - Labeling
• P - Personalization

So, when you’re trying to remember the 10 distortions, simply say to yourself, “All Optimists Meander Down Jagged Mountains Expecting Splendid Little Prizes.” If you’d like to make it more memorable, you could invent your own sentence, or just change mine around ‘til it suits you. For example, if you’re a foodie, you could change the last three words, like so: “All Optimists Meander Down Jagged Mountains Expecting Savory Little Pizzas.”

Mmm… Pizza…

Wow. I’ve received quite a few new readers recently. That’s wonderful. Welcome!

For those of you who just arrived here’s a quick index of all the posts in my recent series of articles on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy basics:

• I. What is CBT? - An explanation of what Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is.
• II. An Overview of Cognitive Distortions - An introduction to, and a list of, the ten cognitive distortions:
  • All or Nothing
  • Over-generalizing
  • Mental Filter
  • Disqualifying the Positive
  • Jumping to Conclusions
  • Magnification (or Catastrophizing)
  • Emotional Reasoning
  • Should Statements
  • Labeling
  • Personalization

The next articles in the series looked at each distortion and provided examples.

• III. Distortion One - All Or Nothing Thinking
• IV. Distortion Two - Over-generalizing
• V. Distortion Three - Mental Filter
• VI. Disqualifying the Positive
• VII. Jumping to Conclusions
• VIII. All Remaining Five Distortions! - In the interest of moving the series along at a reasonable pace, I bundled all five remaining distortions into one post: Magnification, Emotional Reasoning, Should Statements, Labeling, and Personalization.

Finally, as the ninth and last post of the basics series, I posted: IX. The Triple Column Technique, which teaches the fundamental technique for combatting cognitive distortions and the negative emotions they create.

Though the “basics” series is complete, there will be plenty more discussion of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in the near future.

Now that we’ve looked at all ten cognitive distortions, let’s look at what to do about them.

While it’s best to learn about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques by reading Feeling Good or to actually talking to a cognitive behavioral therapist, I can outline the primary technique used to combat and ward off cognitive distortions: the Triple Column Technique. Feel free to try it out, and if you find it helpful, take a look at the book.

How To Do The Triple Column Technique

1. Grab a sheet of 8 1/2” x 11” paper and a pen or pencil.
2. Turn the paper so that the width is 11” (landscape).
3. Draw two lines from top to bottom so that the page is divided into three even columns.
4. Label the first column “Thoughts”, the second column “Distortions”, and the third “Rational Responses.”
5. Identify the negative feeling (or feelings) you’re experiencing (eg. sadness), and jot it down at the top of the page. Next to it, jot down a number between 1 and 10 that indicates how intensely you feel that emotion.
6. In the first column, try to write the exact thought you were thinking when the feeling arose. At first this can be a bit tricky, but with a little practice it’ll come more naturally. Typical thoughts might be: “I’m a failure”, “I always screw up”, “Why should I try? I’ll only fail.”
7. In the second column, write the distortions that underlie the thoughts you’ve identified. Remember to inspect each thought for each of the ten possible distortions. Note that some thoughts will actually contain multiple distortions.
8. When you’re done listing the distortions, use the third column to write rational replacement thoughts for the original distorted ones. For example: “I succeed at many things, even if I fail at a few now and then — just as everyone does. No one succeeds 100% of the time, and I recognize that I do succeed quite often.” replaces “I’m a failure.” The key here is to write rational responses to your irrational thoughts. Under the light of rational thought, distorted thoughts crumble, and the absence of distorted thoughts means the negative feelings they generate go away or never arise in the first place.
9. Now that you’ve completed the exercise, take a moment to see how you feel. Perhaps the feeling has dissipated. If not, perhaps it is less intense than before. How intense is it on the same 1 to 10 scale?

By the way, do not do this technique in your head. It’s essential that you do it on paper. There’s something about putting pen to paper that makes it truly effective.

Good luck!

Today’s post represents a change in format. Rather than examine the remaining five cognitive distortion on our list one-per-post, let’s pick up the pace and cover all five today. That way we can move on to the good stuff: doing something about them!

Ready? Let’s go!

• Magnification - Your thoughts magnify the negatives and minimize the positives of an event or situation.
• Emotional Reasoning - Your thoughts and decisions are based on how you feel rather than what’s really going on in reality.
• Should Statements - Your thoughts emphasize what you or circumstances should be, rather than how you or things actually are.
• Labeling - Your thoughts assign a specific name, or label, to you or someone else. This label is absolute and negative, such as: “I’m a failure.”
• Personalization Your thoughts assign all responsibility and causality to you personally. You assume that you directly caused events or circumstances though that’s not the case in reality and you actually had less direct control than you believe.

For a thorough examination of these distortions, please also see Feeling Good by David D. Burns.

In upcoming posts, we’ll learn how to detect these often-elusive but always detrimental cognitive distortions and how to deal with them.

The next cognitive distortion on the list is Jumping to Conclusions.

In this cognitive distortion, you arrive at conclusions (usually upsetting ones) prematurely. There are two forms this distortion can take:

• Mind Reading - In this form of Jumping to Conclusions, you decide you know what others are thinking. Assuming that others are thinking negative thoughts about you can lead to distress and depression.
• Fortune Telling - In this form, you make predictions about the future. Assuming that bad things are going to happen can also lead to distress and depression.

Example: Clyde’s Dinner Conversation

Clyde is having dinner with friends. As the conversation picks up speed, he grows ever quieter. His conversational style is slower and more thoughtful than the others at the table, and the conversation is moving so swiftly he finds it hard to keep up. He thinks: Everyone thinks I’m stupid. This is an example of the Mind Reading form of Jumping to Conclusions.

Example: The Magazine Rejection of Doom

Leslie has always wanted to try freelance writing. One day while reading a magazine, she thinks of a great article idea. She considers pitching the article to the magazine, but then changes her mind and thinks: They’ll just reject it. This is an example of the Fortune Teller form of Jumping to Conclusions.

In the next post, we’ll take a closer look at the next cognitive distortion on the list: Magnification.

The next cognitive distortion on the list is Disqualifying the Positive. In this cognitive distortion, you reject the positive aspects of an event or situation, leaving only the negative. When a positive thought arises, it’s quickly knocked away by a negative one.

Example: Miranda’s Hair

Miranda and Phoebe are having a chat over coffee. Phoebe mentions how great Miranda’s hair looks. Miranda dismisses the comment and instead talks about how much weight she’s gained and how unhappy she is with the way she looks.

Example:

After coffee with Miranda, Phoebe is walking to her car when she runs into our old buddy Bob, the tennis player. She asks him how it’s going, and he looks sad and says, “Not well. My tennis game is in the toilet.” Phoebe says, “But, Bob, didn’t you just win that big match you were excited about?” Bob looks even more upset and says, “Yes, I did. But that doesn’t matter. I just played another match this weekend and I lost. I’m terrible.”

It seems Phoebe’s words are lost on both of her friends and their Disqualifying the Positive cognitive distortions.

In the next post, we’ll take a closer look at the next cognitive distortion on the list: Jumping to Conclusions.