DevYou

If worrying were an Olympic sport, I would have a good shot at a medal. Not gold, but I don’t think bronze would be out of my reach. I do worry quite a bit.

That’s why I was glad to discover Mike King’s guest post today on the Positivity Blog: “Why Worry Gets You Nowhere, and How to Get a Handle on That Destructive Habit.” In the article, King discusses the benefits and costs of worrying, its causes, how to recognize it, and he describes techniques for controlling and limiting it. Good stuff. I highly recommend this article to anyone who has trouble managing worry.

Today on the Psychology Today Enlightened Living blog, Michael J. Formica describes a Yogic breathing technique that can be help combat anxiety. He explains the basis for the technique and how to do it.

Pranayama is a highly complex discipline that has many different aspects and includes a variety of very specific practices. One of the most common, and useful, pranayama practices is called nadi shodhana (pr., nah-dee SHOW-d’nah) or alternate nostril breathing. According to Ayervedic medicine, this practice is intended to purify the pranic channels of the body. From a less esoteric viewpoint, nadi shodhana brings the body — and by association the mind — into a state of balance and neutrality by activating the same energetic pathways that in acupuncture are associated with balancing the hemispheres of the brain. On an even less esoteric note, Western medicine has long known that, while mouth breathing tells the body it is in a state of stress, nostril breathing tells the body it is in a state of homeostasis. This strategy of nostril breathing=homeostasis has been employed by elite athletes for decades.

Read the complete article (Psychology Today).

As a fan of naps, I’m always delighted to see positive stories about napping! Here’s one from Psychology Today titled “Nap Your Way to the Top”:

The evidence is overwhelming: Napping on the job is great for you and great for your boss. A power nap of about 20 minutes has been proven to increase alertness and overall productivity in workers. Siestas also boost mood. “Remember when your mother told you to take a nap because you were cranky? She was right,” says William Anthony, who co-authored The Art of Napping at Work with his wife Camille.

Read the full article…

And happy napping!

Last September I wrote an article for Zen Habits called How to Use Mini-Meditations to Relax and Find Focus. In it, I describe a very simple meditation technique that takes less than a minute to do and yet has a wonderful affect on your mind and well-being.

I find it helpful to have specific times to practice this simple technique. Here’s a list of 10 great opportunities that pop up during our busy days. Enjoy!

1. Just after turning off the shower, before stepping out.
2. Just before starting the car.
3. Just after parking the car and turning off the engine.
4. While waiting for your computer to boot.
5. While washing your hands.
6. While washing the dishes.
7. Waiting for a red light to change. (Keep your eyes open!)
8. Just after waking up.
9. Just before getting into bed.
10. While waiting for your tea to steep.

“The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.”

— Charles Du Bois

Many years ago, a friend of mine told me that she subscribes to a daily email called the Positive Quote of the Day. She said that some of her friends gently mocked her for subscribing to such a list, but she said that she found it helpful so she didn’t cave in to their social pressure. Intrigued, I subscribed myself to the list. Every day I receive a quotation by a famous person that reinforces positive thinking. The quote by Charles Du Bois above is an example.

I find the Du Bois quote particularly interesting and thought-provoking. I believe it’s possible to change one’s thoughts and behaviors and to thereby change one’s self for the better. That’s pretty obvious, I think, considering the name of this blog!

But there’s an interesting flip-side to changing oneself for the better — and Du Bois’ quote highlights it eloquently. Namely, to become a better person, we must sacrifice what we are now. We must at any moment be ready to make that sacrifice. This can be terribly difficult. We’ve been the self we are now for a long time. What a radical, frightening notion is sacrificing the familiar self of the present. Even if we know that we must do so to become a better person. Even if we know we’re suffering more as we are than we would as we might be.

I think this is a hidden second hurdle for people who are trying to develop into a better person. The first is believing change is possible. And the second is our tendency to cling to what we are today. Our reluctance. Our fear. When the opportunity to change is at hand, we must be each be ready and able to sacrifice what we are.

[Caveat: I’m not a trained therapist, and the discussions in this blog are not intended as therapy. If you are suffering from depression or other psychological problems, please seek professional help. If you don’t know where to begin, talk to your primary health care provider.]

Many years ago, I was on a casual date with an attractive woman. We were at a nightclub having fun, when I caught a glimpse of us in a mirror. To my eyes, we looked ridiculous. Or rather, she looked lovely, but I looked ugly, and the vision of this attractive woman with an ugly man such as myself filled me with revulsion and self-loathing. The thoughts that sprung into my mind were: “I’m ugly. An attractive woman like her would never want to be with an ugly man like me.” These thoughts spoiled my mood and drained enjoyment from my evening — leaving me feeling depressed and hopeless.

Can you name the cognitive distortions?

“I’m ugly” is labeling. “An attractive woman like her would never want to be with an ugly man like me” is both types of jumping to conclusions: mind reader and fortune teller.

Using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy concepts, let’s deconstruct these thoughts. Remember, all of our emotions begin with our thoughts. Deconstructing our distorted thoughts is the key to improving mood and preventing distortion-based depression in the future.

If I had known about Cognitive Behavioral techniques on that evening, I would have done the following Triple Column Technique on a blank piece of paper as my worksheet:

• Column One: I’d have written the two thoughts in the first column. “I’m ugly. An attractive woman like her would never want to be with an ugly man like me.” At the bottom of that column I’d write the emotions these thoughts created and how intensely I felt them on a scale of 1-10. For example: “Depressed 8, Hopeless 9.”
• Column Two: I’d have written the distortions: labeling, jumping to conclusions (mind reader, fortune teller).
• Column Three: I’d have written the rational replacements for each thought. “I’m ugly” would have become, for instance, “Like everyone else, I’m attractive to some people and unattractive to other people.” “An attractive woman like her would never want to be with an ugly man like me” would have become something like “She may or may not be attracted to me but I don’t decide whether she is attracted to me or not; that is her decision to make and I’m not privy to her thoughts” and “It’s absurd to say attractive women will never be attracted to me. All of them? Always? No, that’s a distortion. Moving into the future, some women will find me attractive and others will not.”

There’s a third distortion here, of course, and that is: disqualifying the positive. If this woman had truly found me as horribly repulsive as I thought I was, then it’s unlikely we would have been out on the town to begin with!

I hope this article will help you in your own Cognitive Behavioral practice.

The Simple Dollar is running a great series of articles on “investing in yourself” that I recommend. Today’s article is particularly good. In it, the author discusses a variety of great, practical tips for improving and sustaining your mood.

Accentuate the positive things you do and minimize the negative ones —
No one in life does everything absolutely right, nor do they do everything absolutely wrong, either. While it’s useful to know what your faults are, dwelling on them creates a false impression in your mind that you’re somehow less valuable than you are. Instead, spend time focusing on the positives in your life.

Investing in Yourself: Feeling Good

I have this habit of cramming so much stuff into each and every day that I can’t possibly do it all. The good part about that is I get alot done, but the bad side is that I tend to feel mildly bad about the things I wanted to get done but didn’t. It’s not an overwhelming feeling, but it’s unpleasant and can add up over time and nag at the back of my mind.

A little trick I’ve learned is to plan my day by “looking back” at it.

Here’s what to do:

In the morning, write a paragraph or two about your upcoming day. Use a conversational tone and describe all the things you did and how it went. In other words, pretend you have a time machine and have transported yourself to the end of the day and are looking back at it and describing what happened.

For example:

“Today was great. In the morning, I worked on the Defobrinicator project and made a ton of progress. Then I returned those phone calls and replied to a few emails. I had lunch at Bruno’s Luncheteria. Afterward, I went jogging. In the afternoon, I worked on my taxes, wrote that article about Patagonian tree lichen, and cleaned the rain gutters. Finally, before taking a break for dinner, I followed up on some new client leads and cleared my GTD inboxes.”

The benefit of writing about your upcoming day in the past tense is that you’ll tend to get a much better idea if all the things you’re planning realistically fit into your day — much more so than if you scribble down a list of things you want to accomplish. If you describe a day that’s totally unrealistic, you’ll feel it as you describe it.

Give it a whirl, and see what you think!

Editor’s note: This guest post was written by Dave Rankin.

Here in New York City, winter is upon us. Grey skies and cold temperatures, a noticeable lack of major outdoor events, and the high cost of heating seem to be the complaints muttered by everyone from local newscasters to bus drivers to dog walkers. At least in December, they lament, we had daily religious festivities, secular festivities, shopping festivities and a million other reasons to be festive. But now, in this long, frigid stretch between New Year’s and Memorial Day, all we have to hope for is that global warming will bring about a quick demise to winter so that we can get through spring and then onto summer—when things really get good. Ironically, just when the people who are currently pining away for the dog days of summer are finally happily baking away in a mid-June heatwave, a whole other group will start grumbling about how all we have to do is survive another five months until the temperatures drop, the snow starts to fly, and winter returns—when things really get good.

Sadly, when we spend a whole season either complaining on a daily basis about how we wish the weather were different, or we waste away our time daydreaming about a future season, we miss out on a lot of great opportunities. We miss out on a lot of life. As a recovering autumn and winter addict who’s learned to enjoy spring and summer for their own unique qualities, trust me when I say, the whole year’s a lot more fun when we learn to enjoy the season we’re dealt. And, when we’re able to make each year a little better, we’re ultimately making our whole lives a lot better.

From Traditional Chinese Medicine to Pagan belief systems to environmental ecology, it seems that a lot of people talk about the benefits of seasonal living. That is, shaping your life activities to work in conjunction with the nature around you. Now, I’m not going to try to tell you why you should consider living in harmony with the seasons; I’m just going to assume that you already have your own reasons for wanting to give it a try. What I do want to address, though, is a point that I think is often overlooked in a lot of the materials on this topic—how to get started living seasonally when you simply don’t like one or more seasons. There’s no magical formula that will allow you to wake up one day and suddenly start loving every part of the year. But, there are some simple and somewhat universal ways that I think anyone can use to start to change their views on any season.

1. Eat Seasonally – Not only can this be a fun way to introduce new foods into your diet, but it can also help you save money. Simply by focusing on buying food (produce in particular) that’s in season locally, you’ll start to feel a little more tied to the season at hand.

2. Decorate for the Season – This idea can extend to almost anything, from your apartment/house, to your car, to your computer desktop and icons. Put out decorations or use colors that are tied to what’s going on in the nature around you.

3. Dress for the Season – Going outside in the snow in nothing but a t-shirt and shorts is simply living in denial. And, as we all know, denial is often the first sign that you have a problem. By dressing appropriately for the weather, you’re taking the first step toward acknowledging what’s going on around you.

4. Go Outside – So long as you’re already following suggestion number three, then you shouldn’t have any problems with this one. Get yourself outside to experience, first-hand, the seasonal changes taking place in your environment. You’re just not going to feel it if you spend your entire life going from your home to your car to some other indoor setting.

5. Find Holidays to Celebrate – So, maybe there aren’t any holidays in February that you look forward to, but have you ever thought about seeing what holidays people in other parts of the world celebrate at that time of year? There’s nothing to stop you from adopting other culture’s holidays and traditions. Not only can you learn something new about other parts of the world, but you can also give yourself a new reason to look forward to an otherwise lackluster part of the year.

6. Create Seasonal Traditions – Along the same lines as suggestion five, one way to jump-start your excitement about any part of the year is to create your own traditions for that particular season. They don’t have to be elaborate, and they don’t have to mean anything to anyone else but you.

7. Learn from Others – Take the time to find out what other people like about a particular season. Do you hate autumn but know other people who seem to look forward to it all year? Talk with them to find out what they like so much about it. Or, even better, tag along with them on a seasonal adventure. Just getting a fresh perspective on it will help you learn to appreciate any season in ways you might not ever have thought to otherwise.

8. Learn about the Season – One of the best ways to conquer fears, biases, or any other negative thoughts about almost anything is to learn about it. If you’ve got a season you simply don’t like, spend some time researching what changes happen in your area at each time of the year to make it a unique period. You might be surprised to learn some interesting facts that make the season seem a lot better.

9. Adopt a Seasonal Hobby – If you’re still struggling to get into a certain season, why not try to start doing an activity that can only be done in your region at that time of year. This will give you an on-going project to work on and look forward to year after year.

10. Go on a Seasonal Trip – Regardless of where you live, there are certain places in your vicinity that epitomize the changes associated with any particular season. So, go on short trips in your area to see those places. Seeing the season at its best may be enough to change your mind.

And, before I go any further, I want to say that I know there are some people out there thinking to themselves, “Yeah, that’s great, except where I live January is the same as February which is the same as March and every other month. There are no distinct seasons here!” Now, I’m certainly not a biologist, climatologist , or any other kind of natural scientist, but I do know that even in the desert, the arctic circle, and the deepest rain forests, nature changes throughout the year. The changes may be very subtle compared to other parts of the world, but they’re there. And for you, that might just mean that seasonal living is more about nuance than it is drastic lifestyle changes throughout the year. I’d suggest you start with idea number eight to learn about what changes actually take place throughout the year in your region. You might just be surprised to learn that nature changes seasonally in your area a little more than you would have thought.

No matter what your reasons are for deciding to live in harmony with nature and the seasonal changes, the first step is learning to appreciate all the seasons you live in. And while this list of suggestions is by no means exhaustive, there are hopefully few ideas that anyone can use to start to re-think a dislike for any season. Ultimately, learning to acknowledge, accept, and even enjoy every season is just an extension of learning to be mindful and fully in the present moment.

This tip might sound a bit kooky, but if you suffer from anxiety and this technique helps you feel better then maybe a little kookiness is okay, eh? The principle behind it is simple: grounding yourself in the present moment helps calm the mind and dissolve anxiety. There are many techniques based on this concept. Perhaps you’ve tried one or two before. Try this one and see for yourself if it’s more or less effective than the others.

What to do:

1. When you feel anxiety arising, silently acknowledge it and notice what physical action you are performing. For example, maybe you’re walking down the street or brushing your teeth.

2. Mentally say to yourself: “The one thing I am doing right now is walking down the street” or “The one thing I am doing right now is brushing my teeth.”

I find this technique helps bring me back to the present moment and stops my mind from wandering off into the future or the past where I worry about things over which I have no control right now. It’s simple and easy to try, so give it a whirl.