DevYou

A character in Chuck Palahniuk’s novel Rant cooks dangerous objects — things that can break your teeth, stab the inside of your mouth, or cause you to choke to death — into her family’s meals. Why would a caring mother do such a terrible thing?

She does it to force her family to eat slowly. To be utterly focused on the current moment. As they carefully chew each bite, all their attention is in their mouths. They don’t rush through their meals, thinking of what next thing they want to do, living in the future. They don’t read, or watch tv, or do anything at the table other than experience the food in their mouths.

Of course, putting dangerous objects in food is a horrible thing to do, and you mustn’t do it, but this fictional, extreme behavior draws attention to an intriguing question. Namely: how present are we? When we eat, are we really eating? When we walk are we really walking? When we listen to music, are we really listening? Listening with our full attention, aware of every step, chewing as if a thumbtack were hidden somewhere in our meal?

I know I strive to be present, and I know the benefits I will reap, and yet I also know how far I commonly stray from clear awareness. I know I let my attention wander to the future. The next thing. And worse: multiple next things. Whole strings of them, stretching out into the future, further and further away from this, here, now.

I may not crack a tooth on a booby trap in my apple pie, but I miss the sound of the wind in the leaves above me, the flash of affection in my companion’s eye, and the awareness–the centeredness–that dissolves the worry that plagues and torments my future-dwelling self.

What’s to be done? It’s fairly simple. Come back. Be here now. Meditation helps. Being creative helps. Doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy exercises helps. And even GTD helps. How? Because you don’t need to store and hold the various things you must do in your mind if you know that they’re already captured in a trusted system. There is indeed a next action, but for now–chew that bite of food with all your attention, just as if Rant’s nutty mother made it.

If worrying were an Olympic sport, I would have a good shot at a medal. Not gold, but I don’t think bronze would be out of my reach. I do worry quite a bit.

That’s why I was glad to discover Mike King’s guest post today on the Positivity Blog: “Why Worry Gets You Nowhere, and How to Get a Handle on That Destructive Habit.” In the article, King discusses the benefits and costs of worrying, its causes, how to recognize it, and he describes techniques for controlling and limiting it. Good stuff. I highly recommend this article to anyone who has trouble managing worry.

Today on the Psychology Today Enlightened Living blog, Michael J. Formica describes a Yogic breathing technique that can be help combat anxiety. He explains the basis for the technique and how to do it.

Pranayama is a highly complex discipline that has many different aspects and includes a variety of very specific practices. One of the most common, and useful, pranayama practices is called nadi shodhana (pr., nah-dee SHOW-d’nah) or alternate nostril breathing. According to Ayervedic medicine, this practice is intended to purify the pranic channels of the body. From a less esoteric viewpoint, nadi shodhana brings the body — and by association the mind — into a state of balance and neutrality by activating the same energetic pathways that in acupuncture are associated with balancing the hemispheres of the brain. On an even less esoteric note, Western medicine has long known that, while mouth breathing tells the body it is in a state of stress, nostril breathing tells the body it is in a state of homeostasis. This strategy of nostril breathing=homeostasis has been employed by elite athletes for decades.

Read the complete article (Psychology Today).

As a fan of naps, I’m always delighted to see positive stories about napping! Here’s one from Psychology Today titled “Nap Your Way to the Top”:

The evidence is overwhelming: Napping on the job is great for you and great for your boss. A power nap of about 20 minutes has been proven to increase alertness and overall productivity in workers. Siestas also boost mood. “Remember when your mother told you to take a nap because you were cranky? She was right,” says William Anthony, who co-authored The Art of Napping at Work with his wife Camille.

Read the full article…

And happy napping!

Last September I wrote an article for Zen Habits called How to Use Mini-Meditations to Relax and Find Focus. In it, I describe a very simple meditation technique that takes less than a minute to do and yet has a wonderful affect on your mind and well-being.

I find it helpful to have specific times to practice this simple technique. Here’s a list of 10 great opportunities that pop up during our busy days. Enjoy!

1. Just after turning off the shower, before stepping out.
2. Just before starting the car.
3. Just after parking the car and turning off the engine.
4. While waiting for your computer to boot.
5. While washing your hands.
6. While washing the dishes.
7. Waiting for a red light to change. (Keep your eyes open!)
8. Just after waking up.
9. Just before getting into bed.
10. While waiting for your tea to steep.

“The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.”

— Charles Du Bois

Many years ago, a friend of mine told me that she subscribes to a daily email called the Positive Quote of the Day. She said that some of her friends gently mocked her for subscribing to such a list, but she said that she found it helpful so she didn’t cave in to their social pressure. Intrigued, I subscribed myself to the list. Every day I receive a quotation by a famous person that reinforces positive thinking. The quote by Charles Du Bois above is an example.

I find the Du Bois quote particularly interesting and thought-provoking. I believe it’s possible to change one’s thoughts and behaviors and to thereby change one’s self for the better. That’s pretty obvious, I think, considering the name of this blog!

But there’s an interesting flip-side to changing oneself for the better — and Du Bois’ quote highlights it eloquently. Namely, to become a better person, we must sacrifice what we are now. We must at any moment be ready to make that sacrifice. This can be terribly difficult. We’ve been the self we are now for a long time. What a radical, frightening notion is sacrificing the familiar self of the present. Even if we know that we must do so to become a better person. Even if we know we’re suffering more as we are than we would as we might be.

I think this is a hidden second hurdle for people who are trying to develop into a better person. The first is believing change is possible. And the second is our tendency to cling to what we are today. Our reluctance. Our fear. When the opportunity to change is at hand, we must be each be ready and able to sacrifice what we are.

Ever tried to inhabit the present moment only to have your awareness pulled away when you glance at your watch? “Oh it’s so late!” “My meeting starts in 20 minutes!” And so on… If so, Adam Rothenhaus’ clever Now Watch may be for you! As Adam describes it:

It’s a watch that tells the time like any watch but more importantly features the word NOW prominently on the face serving as a reminder that no matter what time of day it is… it is always the present moment.

Pretty great idea, eh? (Visit The Now Watch website.)

[Caveat: I’m not a trained therapist, and the discussions in this blog are not intended as therapy. If you are suffering from depression or other psychological problems, please seek professional help. If you don’t know where to begin, talk to your primary health care provider.]

Many years ago, I was on a casual date with an attractive woman. We were at a nightclub having fun, when I caught a glimpse of us in a mirror. To my eyes, we looked ridiculous. Or rather, she looked lovely, but I looked ugly, and the vision of this attractive woman with an ugly man such as myself filled me with revulsion and self-loathing. The thoughts that sprung into my mind were: “I’m ugly. An attractive woman like her would never want to be with an ugly man like me.” These thoughts spoiled my mood and drained enjoyment from my evening — leaving me feeling depressed and hopeless.

Can you name the cognitive distortions?

“I’m ugly” is labeling. “An attractive woman like her would never want to be with an ugly man like me” is both types of jumping to conclusions: mind reader and fortune teller.

Using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy concepts, let’s deconstruct these thoughts. Remember, all of our emotions begin with our thoughts. Deconstructing our distorted thoughts is the key to improving mood and preventing distortion-based depression in the future.

If I had known about Cognitive Behavioral techniques on that evening, I would have done the following Triple Column Technique on a blank piece of paper as my worksheet:

• Column One: I’d have written the two thoughts in the first column. “I’m ugly. An attractive woman like her would never want to be with an ugly man like me.” At the bottom of that column I’d write the emotions these thoughts created and how intensely I felt them on a scale of 1-10. For example: “Depressed 8, Hopeless 9.”
• Column Two: I’d have written the distortions: labeling, jumping to conclusions (mind reader, fortune teller).
• Column Three: I’d have written the rational replacements for each thought. “I’m ugly” would have become, for instance, “Like everyone else, I’m attractive to some people and unattractive to other people.” “An attractive woman like her would never want to be with an ugly man like me” would have become something like “She may or may not be attracted to me but I don’t decide whether she is attracted to me or not; that is her decision to make and I’m not privy to her thoughts” and “It’s absurd to say attractive women will never be attracted to me. All of them? Always? No, that’s a distortion. Moving into the future, some women will find me attractive and others will not.”

There’s a third distortion here, of course, and that is: disqualifying the positive. If this woman had truly found me as horribly repulsive as I thought I was, then it’s unlikely we would have been out on the town to begin with!

I hope this article will help you in your own Cognitive Behavioral practice.

Editor’s note: This guest post was written by Paul Plamondon: life coach, workshop designer, and author of Invisible Lives.

It is a fundamental, human dynamic - what we believe influences what we do. Our beliefs can limit or can enhance the results we get in life. When we change our limiting beliefs, we change our lives.

One way to examine and transform our beliefs is by using questions – actually, powerful questions. That’s because powerful questions tend to create connections and inspire possibilities.

Here are six powerful questions that will transform a limiting belief into an empowering belief. Spend 15 minutes on these six questions, and change your life.

Question 1 – Current Belief (2 minutes)

What belief do you currently hold about yourself, others, or the world that seems to limit you in some way?

[Example: I don’t deserve to be successful.]

Question 2 – Current Behaviors (3 minutes)

What adverse behaviors does this limiting belief generate?

[Example: I skip around from job to job about every six months; I leave one job for another at the point when I start to feel comfortable with the work; I avoid making friends; I spend a lot of time playing computer games; I’m eating too much junk food and I’m not exercising enough.]

Question 3 - Current Results (3 minutes)

What adverse results have you been getting from these behaviors?

[Example: Some months, I don’t make enough money to pay all of my bills; it’s getting harder and harder to find new jobs; I have gained 30 pounds in the last 2 months; I’m uncomfortable in my body and my clothes are too tight; I think I’m drinking too much; I’m overeating and not exercising at all; I sometimes feel depressed; it’s hard to wake up in the morning.]

Question 4 – Desired Results (3 minutes)

What positive results would you prefer to be getting?

[Example: Make more money; be able to save enough money to buy a house; pay off my bills; feel more confident; find someone to date; improve my writing skills; stop drinking; feel happy; wake up feeling refreshed; lose 30 pounds; start exercising.]

Question 5 – Replacement Behaviors (3 minutes)

What behaviors will help you achieve these positive results?

[Example: Enroll in a self-development class at the Community College; buy some work-out videos for home; check out the community clinic’s counseling services; find a better-paying job in construction; take a class on architecture and on developing my writing skills; prepare a monthly spending plan or budget; make a weekly low-calorie meal plan and exercise at least 4 days every week; commit to a single job for at least one year.]

Question 6 – The Replacement Belief (1 minute)

What empowering belief will stimulate these behaviors?

[Example: I am in the driver’s seat of the one and only life I have. If I don’t steer the car, no one else will.]

A Few Things to Notice

There are three important elements of this activity to notice:

1) The last three questions are similar to the first three questions, but they are in reverse order. Essentially, once the results of the limiting belief are identified, then you work back through the process;

2) The replacement belief is NOT just the opposite of the original limiting belief – that is, the replacement belief was not I deserve to be successful. Instead, the replacement belief was visually stimulating by virtue of the driving metaphor, which makes it memorable.

3) When answering the questions, avoid getting stuck on the “right” answers. Whatever you come up with will be right. Take a brainstorming approach to answering the questions, avoid judging your answers, and simply enjoy the process.

Try working through this activity with someone else – someone you trust and with whom you can be totally honest and open. Have the other person ask you the questions and, as you verbalize your answers, write them down for you. Working through this process with another person can create a deeper sense of reflection and accountability.

The Simple Dollar is running a great series of articles on “investing in yourself” that I recommend. Today’s article is particularly good. In it, the author discusses a variety of great, practical tips for improving and sustaining your mood.

Accentuate the positive things you do and minimize the negative ones —
No one in life does everything absolutely right, nor do they do everything absolutely wrong, either. While it’s useful to know what your faults are, dwelling on them creates a false impression in your mind that you’re somehow less valuable than you are. Instead, spend time focusing on the positives in your life.

Investing in Yourself: Feeling Good